Grieving the Loss of a Complicated Relationship
IN THIS LESSON
Moving Forward with Resilience and Hope
Losing someone with whom you had a complex, strained, or unresolved relationship can leave behind an emotional tangle of grief, relief, anger, guilt, and sadness. Moving forward isn’t about forgetting the past or pretending the pain doesn’t exist—it’s about finding a way to carry it differently, with resilience and hope. This lesson will guide you in embracing your own strength, finding meaning, and stepping into the future with a renewed sense of possibility.
If at any time these ideas and activities seem to be hurting more than they are helping, stop immediately and seek the support of a licensed counselor. These activities and lessons are designed to build healthy coping skills, but they do not replace therapeutic processing of a painful loss.
The Emotional Journey of Losing a Complicated Relationship
1. Acknowledging Your Resilience
Resilience is not about never feeling pain—it’s about learning how to navigate it. Look back on your journey so far:
What challenges have I overcome in my grief?
How have I adapted to life without this person?
What strengths have I discovered in myself?
You’ve likely endured difficult emotions, made tough decisions, and kept going even when it felt impossible. That is resilience in action. Recognizing your own strength is an important step in moving forward.
2. Accepting That Healing Doesn’t Mean Closure
In a complicated relationship, there may never be a moment where everything feels “resolved.” There may always be unanswered questions or lingering emotions. But healing isn’t about tying everything up neatly—it’s about learning to live with what is. Ask yourself:
Can I find a way to accept the unknowns or unfinished aspects of this relationship?
What can I let go of so it no longer weighs me down?
How can I give myself permission to move forward, even without perfect closure?
By allowing yourself to embrace the uncertainty, you create space for hope and new beginnings.
3. Defining What Hope Looks Like for You
Hope doesn’t have to be grand—it can be small, quiet, and deeply personal. It might mean:
Looking forward to moments of peace and joy in your day
Rebuilding relationships that bring you comfort and support
Creating new traditions or finding meaning in new ways
Hope is about believing that there is still goodness ahead, even after loss. Consider what hope means to you and how you can nurture it.
4. Setting Intentions for Your Future
You’ve spent time grieving, reflecting, and processing. Now, it may be time to consider what comes next. Moving forward doesn’t mean ignoring the past—it means building something new while honoring what you’ve been through. Ask yourself:
What kind of life do I want to create for myself?
How can I use what I’ve learned from this experience to shape my future?
What are small, meaningful steps I can take toward growth?
Your future is yours to shape, and every step you take toward healing is a step toward a life that reflects your strength, wisdom, and resilience.
5. Finding Support as You Move Forward
Resilience doesn’t mean doing it all alone. Whether through friends, a peer support group, or professional therapy, continuing to seek support can help keep you grounded.
Are there people in my life who support my healing and growth?
Do I want to continue engaging in peer support or coaching?
Would therapy or counseling provide additional guidance as I move forward?
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Surrounding yourself with people who encourage your growth will help you continue your journey with confidence.
6. Allowing Yourself to Embrace Joy
One of the most profound ways to honor your healing is to allow yourself moments of happiness without guilt.
What are activities, hobbies, or experiences that bring me joy?
How can I give myself permission to enjoy life again?
Can I celebrate my resilience without feeling like I’m “moving on” too soon?
Grief and joy can coexist. You can carry the memory of your loved one while also embracing a life filled with happiness, love, and purpose.
Final Thoughts: Walking Forward with Strength
Moving forward with resilience and hope doesn’t mean you’ll never feel sadness again—it means you trust yourself to navigate life’s ups and downs with strength and self-compassion. Each day, you have the opportunity to step into a future that honors your past while allowing space for healing, growth, and joy.
You are not defined by the difficulties of this relationship, nor by your grief. You are defined by how you choose to move forward—with courage, resilience, and hope.
Hope and Resilience Roadmap
To help you cultivate resilience and hope as you move forward after a complicated loss, try the "Hope & Resilience Roadmap" activity. Find a large piece of paper or poster board. Draw a winding road across the paper, representing your grief journey. Along the road, mark points representing significant challenges you've faced. At each of those points, write down how you overcame that challenge, highlighting the strengths and resources you drew upon. Then, towards the end of the road, mark points representing your hopes for the future, both big and small. Write down specific intentions and steps you can take to nurture those hopes. This visual roadmap helps you see the progress you've already made, acknowledge your resilience, and chart a course towards a future filled with hope and purpose.
If, while creating your Hope & Resilience Roadmap, you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by difficult memories or feelings of hopelessness, please stop. This activity is meant to be empowering, not a source of further distress. It's perfectly acceptable to put it aside and revisit it when you feel more emotionally prepared. Perhaps try engaging in a gentler self-care practice, like listening to calming music, spending time in nature, or talking with a trusted friend or therapist. Remember, healing is a journey, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it. Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself the time and space you need to process your emotions. If you consistently find that activities meant to explore your grief trigger intense emotional pain, it's highly recommended to seek support from a grief counselor. A professional can provide a safe and supportive space for you to explore these complex and often conflicting emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Cultivating resilience and hope is a process, and professional guidance can be invaluable.
Community members: Enter the Holding Space Community and talk about this experience in the Community Chat. Share a picture of your activity or give advice for others thinking of trying the activity, if you would like to.