Grieving the Loss of a Complicated Relationship
IN THIS LESSON
Exploring Therapy and Professional Support Options
Losing someone with whom you had a complicated relationship can bring up a wide range of emotions—grief, anger, guilt, relief, confusion, or even numbness. The unique challenges of this kind of loss can make it difficult to process on your own. That’s why having a strong support system is so important.
This peer support and coaching community provides a safe space to share your experiences, connect with others who understand, and gain insights that can help you heal. However, it’s also important to recognize when professional therapy or counseling might be a beneficial addition to your healing journey.
If at any time these ideas and activities seem to be hurting more than they are helping, stop immediately and seek the support of a licensed counselor. These activities and lessons are designed to build healthy coping skills, but they do not replace therapeutic processing of a painful loss.
The Emotional Journey of Losing a Complicated Relationship
The Role of Peer Support and Coaching
Peer support and coaching offer a space for connection, understanding, and encouragement. Here, you can:
Share your experiences with others who have faced similar losses.
Feel validated and understood without judgment.
Gain practical strategies for coping with grief, setting boundaries, and moving forward.
Build a sense of community so you don’t feel alone in your grief.
However, while peer support is valuable, it has its limitations. This space is not therapy, and the coaches and group members cannot provide clinical mental health treatment. For deeper emotional processing, long-term healing, and support with complex emotions or trauma, working with a licensed therapist can be incredibly helpful.
How Therapy Can Support Your Healing
A licensed therapist or counselor can help you:
Process Unresolved Feelings – If your relationship with the deceased involved estrangement, abuse, neglect, or unresolved conflict, therapy can help you explore these feelings in a structured and supportive way.
Address Guilt, Regret, or Relief – You may have mixed emotions about the loss, and therapy provides a safe space to work through them without fear of judgment.
Develop Personalized Coping Strategies – Therapists use evidence-based techniques to help you manage grief, reduce anxiety, and cope with triggers.
Heal from Trauma – If the relationship was harmful or traumatic, professional support can help you unpack those experiences and begin to heal.
Navigate Family Dynamics – If the loss has brought complicated family relationships to the surface, a therapist can help you set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being.
Types of Professional Support
If you’re considering therapy, there are different options to explore:
Individual Therapy – One-on-one sessions with a licensed therapist to explore your unique grief experience and emotional needs.
Grief Counseling – A specialized form of therapy that focuses on coping with loss and understanding your grieving process.
Trauma Therapy – If your relationship involved emotional or psychological harm, working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you heal.
Family Therapy – If the loss has impacted your relationships with other family members, family therapy can help address communication and unresolved conflicts.
Support Groups Led by Therapists – Some grief support groups are facilitated by licensed professionals and offer a structured therapeutic approach.
Finding the Right Therapist for You
If you decide that therapy would be a helpful addition to your grief journey, here are some steps to finding the right provider:
Look for Grief-Informed or Trauma-Informed Therapists – These professionals have experience working with complex loss and emotional wounds.
Check Credentials – Licensed mental health professionals include psychologists (PhD or PsyD), licensed professional counselors (LPC), licensed clinical social workers (LCSW), and marriage and family therapists (LMFT).
Consider Therapy Format – Choose between in-person, online, or telehealth sessions depending on your comfort level and availability.
Use Trusted Resources – Websites like Psychology Today, TherapyDen, and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offer therapist directories.
Ask About Insurance and Costs – If cost is a concern, check your insurance coverage or seek out sliding-scale therapists who adjust fees based on income.
You Deserve Support in Every Form
Grief is not a journey you have to walk alone. While this peer support and coaching community provides a compassionate space to share and heal, therapy can offer deeper, more individualized support. There is no “right” way to grieve, but having multiple sources of support can help you navigate this difficult process in a way that feels best for you.
If you’re considering therapy, think of it as an investment in your healing. Seeking professional support is not a sign of weakness—it’s a step toward giving yourself the care and attention you deserve.
Support Needs Assessment
To help you determine what kind of support might be most beneficial for you as you navigate a complicated grief journey, try the "Support Needs Assessment" activity. Create a simple chart with three columns: "My Current Challenges," "What I Need," and "Potential Support Resources." In the first column, list specific challenges you're facing related to your grief – this could include things like difficulty managing intense emotions, trouble setting boundaries, feeling isolated, or struggling with specific memories. In the second column, describe what kind of support would help you address each challenge – for example, "a safe space to process my feelings," "help developing coping strategies," or "connection with others who understand." In the third column, list potential resources that could meet those needs, such as peer support groups, individual therapy, family therapy, specific types of therapy (e.g., trauma-informed), or online support communities. This structured approach can help you identify your specific needs and explore the different types of support available to you.
If, while reflecting on your support needs, you feel overwhelmed or unsure about what's right for you, it's important to acknowledge and honor those feelings. This activity is meant to be exploratory, not a source of pressure. Perhaps the idea of seeking professional help feels daunting, or you're unsure how to find the right therapist. That's perfectly okay. You could start by talking to a trusted friend or family member about your concerns, or researching different types of therapy online. Remember that seeking support is a sign of strength, and there are many different avenues to explore. If you're feeling particularly lost or confused, consider contacting a mental health professional for a consultation. They can help you assess your needs and recommend the most appropriate resources for your situation. Taking small steps at your own pace is key, and it's okay to change your mind or adjust your support system as you move through your grief journey.
Community members: Enter the Holding Space Community and talk about this experience in the Community Chat. Share a picture of your activity or give advice for others thinking of trying the activity, if you would like to.