Loss of a Parent
IN THIS LESSON
Healthy Ways to Process Grief
Losing a parental figure, whether a biological parent, adoptive parent, step-parent, foster parent, or mentor, is a deeply personal experience. The grief you feel is shaped by the role they played in your life, the relationship you had, and the impact they left behind. Because these relationships can be unique and complex, there is no single way to grieve. However, there are healthy ways to process your emotions and navigate your grief in a way that supports healing.
If at any time these ideas and activities seem to be hurting more than they are helping, stop immediately and seek the support of a licensed counselor. These activities and lessons are designed to build healthy coping skills, but they do not replace therapeutic processing of a painful loss.
The Emotional Journey of Grief After Losing a Parent
1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Grief
One of the most important steps in processing grief is allowing yourself to feel. Your emotions may be intense, unpredictable, or even conflicting. You might feel sadness, anger, regret, gratitude, or even relief, depending on the relationship you had. Give yourself permission to grieve in whatever way feels natural. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to experience loss.
2. Identify and Express Your Feelings
Bottling up emotions can make grief feel heavier. Find a way to express what you're feeling, whether through:
Journaling – Writing about your memories, emotions, or unanswered questions can help you process your grief.
Talking with a trusted person – Sharing your thoughts with a close friend, family member, or support group can provide comfort.
Creative expression – Art, music, or other creative outlets can be a powerful way to express emotions that are difficult to put into words.
3. Honor Their Influence in Your Life
Regardless of the relationship you had, your parental figure played a role in shaping you. Finding ways to acknowledge their impact can help with healing:
Create a memory ritual – Light a candle, listen to their favorite music, or reflect on a lesson they taught you.
Write a letter – If there are things left unsaid, writing a letter (even if you never send it) can help bring closure.
Carry their legacy forward – Honor their values, traditions, or strengths in a way that aligns with your life.
4. Take Care of Your Mental and Physical Health
Grief can take a toll on both your mind and body. Prioritizing self-care can help you manage stress and emotional pain:
Maintain a routine – Even simple daily activities, like eating nutritious meals, staying hydrated, and getting enough sleep, can help you feel more grounded.
Engage in physical activity – Movement, whether it's walking, yoga, or another form of exercise, can help release built-up tension.
Practice mindfulness or relaxation techniques – Deep breathing, meditation, or spending time in nature can help you process emotions in a healthy way.
5. Seek Support When You Need It
Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Connecting with others who understand can be incredibly healing:
Join a grief support group – Talking with others who have experienced similar losses can provide a sense of understanding and validation.
Lean on trusted friends or family – You don’t have to navigate grief alone—let people who care about you offer comfort.
Consider professional support – Therapy or grief counseling can help you process complex emotions, especially if your grief feels overwhelming or prolonged.
6. Be Patient with Yourself
Healing from grief is not about "moving on" but rather learning how to carry your loss in a way that allows you to continue living. Some days may feel heavier than others, and that’s okay. Give yourself the grace to grieve at your own pace.
Losing a parental figure can feel like losing a part of your foundation. But by embracing healthy ways to process grief, you can honor their role in your life while finding your own path forward. Through self-compassion, expression, and connection, you can carry their memory with you in a way that supports your growth and healing.
Grief Care Package
Goal: To create a physical collection of comforting items and activities to provide support and self-care during the grieving process.
Materials: A box, basket, or bag; items that evoke comfort and positive memories (photos, letters, a favorite book, a cozy blanket, a scented candle, tea bags, etc.); small notepads and pens/pencils; art supplies (optional).
Instructions:
Gather Comfort Items: Collect items that bring you comfort, evoke positive memories of your loved one, or simply make you feel good. This could include anything that soothes your senses or provides a sense of connection.
Memory Prompts: On small notepads or pieces of paper, write down prompts related to your loved one or your grief journey. Examples: "A favorite memory with [name]", "Something I learned from [name]", "A quality I admired about [name]", "A feeling I'm experiencing today," or "A self-care activity I can try."
Creative Expression Supplies (Optional): Include art supplies like colored pencils, markers, or paint if you find creative expression helpful for processing emotions.
Assemble Your Care Package: Arrange all the items in your box, basket, or bag.
Using Your Care Package: When you're feeling overwhelmed or struggling with grief, turn to your care package. Choose an item that brings you comfort, reflect on a memory prompt, or engage in a creative activity. This provides a tangible way to access self-soothing and support during difficult moments.
If the "Grief Care Package" activity triggers difficult emotions or intensifies your grief instead of providing comfort, it's important to stop and prioritize your emotional well-being. It's perfectly normal for grief to surface unexpectedly, and some days will be harder than others. Gently put the care package materials away and engage in a gentler self-care practice. This might involve spending time in silence, spending time indoors, talking to a trusted friend or family member, or simply resting. Remember that healing is not linear, and it's okay to step back from activities that feel overwhelming. If you consistently find that remembering specific memories or reflecting on the relationship triggers intense pain, consider seeking support from a grief counselor or therapist. They can provide a safe space to process these emotions and develop healthy coping strategies. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, and honor your need for self-care during this challenging time.
Community members: Enter the Holding Space Community and talk about this experience in the Community Chat. Share a picture of your activity or give advice for others thinking of trying the activity, if you would like to.