The Myth of "Moving On"
The Journey of Grief
"Move on." It's a phrase often uttered with good intentions, a gentle nudge meant to encourage healing after a significant loss. But for anyone who has truly grieved, those two little words can feel like a punch to the gut. Because the truth is, you don't "move on" from grief. You move with it.
Grief isn't a linear process, a series of neatly defined stages you progress through until you reach a point of resolution. It's more like a winding path, filled with unexpected turns, steep climbs, and quiet valleys. Some days, the sun might peek through the trees, offering moments of peace and even joy. Other days, the fog rolls in, obscuring everything in its heavy embrace. And that's okay. That's perfectly normal.
The idea of "moving on" implies a destination, a point where grief is conquered and left behind. But grief isn't something you overcome. It's something you learn to live with. It becomes a part of your story, a thread woven into the fabric of your being. And while the intensity of grief may lessen over time, it never truly disappears. It ebbs and flows, resurfacing at unexpected moments, triggered by a familiar scent, a song on the radio, or a simple memory.
Perhaps you've experienced this yourself. Months, even years after your loss, a wave of sadness washes over you, as if the loss were fresh. You might feel guilty, wondering why you're still struggling, why you haven't "moved on" like you're "supposed to." But please, release yourself from that pressure. There's no timeline for grief. There's no "should" or "shouldn't." Your grief journey is uniquely yours, and it unfolds at its own pace.
Instead of striving to "move on," consider a different perspective. Think of grief as a journey of integration. You're not leaving your loved one behind; you're carrying them with you. Their love, their lessons, their presence—these become a part of who you are. And as you move forward in life, you carry that legacy within you.
This doesn't mean you're forever bound to sadness. It means you're learning to coexist with grief, allowing it to be a part of your story without letting it define your future. You can still experience joy, laughter, and love. You can still pursue your dreams and find new meaning in your life. These experiences don't diminish your love for the person you lost; they enhance it. They demonstrate the enduring impact that person had on your life, inspiring you to live fully, even in their absence.
So, be kind to yourself. Embrace the journey, with all its twists and turns. Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions, without judgment. Remember, healing isn't about forgetting; it's about remembering differently. It's about finding a way to integrate loss into your life, not as an ending, but as a chapter in your ongoing story. And as you move with your grief, you'll discover a strength and resilience you never knew you possessed. You'll learn to carry love and loss together, and in doing so, you'll find your own unique path toward healing.
